Strawberry Gashes
by TheRedQueen009
Summary: just read it... songfic; angst; dark


Strawberry Gashes  
  
It was raining. and thunder could be heard in the distance. It was nearing three in the morning so the streets were empty, save for a lone figure trudging slowly down the sidewalk. Her silvery golden hair was done up in odangos on either side of her head with long streamers hanging down to her knees. Her clothes were soaked and clung to her body as she shivered.not from cold, as it was late May, but because of the thunder. She hated thunder. Now, many would wonder why exactly this girl was out, in the rain, at three in the morning. but if they had gotten close enough to ask, they would've known better than to do so. Her beautiful sapphire eyes that normally shown so brightly were hard and tears streamed from them down her heart shaped face. 'I hate being Sailor Moon. why do monsters have to attack at such an ungodly hour? I'll never get to sleep now. and then Luna will yell at me, and sensei will yell because my homework isn't finished.then of course, Rei- chan will yell at me for being stupid and lazy.*sigh* time for another fun day.'  
  
Turn her over  
  
A candle is lit, I see through her  
  
Blow it out and save all her ashes for me  
  
She finally reached her destination, tiptoed upstairs to her room, changed out of her wet clothes, and crawled into bed. But sleep did not come for her. She tossed and turned for hours and then finally gave up and walked silently to the bathroom. She looked at her reflection. 'Ugh, Usagi, you look like shit.' She peeked back into her room to see if Luna was still sleeping, 'Good.sound asleep' Closing the door quietly, she opened a drawer and dug around until she found her make-up bag. She opened it and pulled out a small blue box and a candle. Smiling sadly, she lit the candle and pulled a small blade out of the box. She looked at the candle. a gift from Minako.  
  
Curse me sold her  
  
The poison that runs it's course through her  
  
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over  
  
She turned the blade over in her hands, watching the moonlight from the window glint off the tiny razor. Taking it in one hand, she carefully rolled up her sleeves and began to drag the razor across her forearm. first right, then left, leaving bloody cuts all over her. The blood seeped slowly out and ran down her arms. She smiled and watched the blood running until a creek snapped her out of her trance. She quickly cleaned up the gashes. 'Thank god for long sleeved uniforms.' thought Usagi as she flushed the toilet for good measure. Sure enough, Luna stood in the hall, blinking sleepily at her. "Are you alright Usa-chan?" Questioned the moon cat. "Hai, Luna-chan. Just a bit queezy." She smiled and scooped up the half- asleep feline. 'Luna would KILL me if she knew. she'd filp.' "Usa-chan? Why do you do that?" Luna looked up at Usagi, who was as white as a sheet. "Why do you cut yourself Bunny?" Luna looked as if she would cry at any moment. So did Usagi. "I-I. because it makes me feel better Luna-chan. It keeps me from doing something stupid." Usagi explained slowly.  
  
Watch me fault her  
  
You're living like a disaster  
  
She said kill me faster  
  
with strawberry gashes all over  
  
Luna smiled sadly at her. "Okay Usa-chan. and I promise, I won't tell." Usagi sat down on her bed. "Arigato Luna.arigato." Scratching the cat affectionately behind her ears, the pair began to drift off to sleep.  
  
The next morning the sun crept slowly across the floor of Usagi's bedroom, finally making it to the bed. Usagi smiled in her sleep as she was covered in the blanket of sunlight. Soon, the 'blanket' became too warm for the bunny and she opened one eye to glare at the opposing star in her window. 'Stupid sun.rrrrr' She though hazily as she opened her other eye and sat up to stretch. The clock read 6:30 am, she had plenty of time before school. None of the others knew, but Usagi had been getting up this early for months now. Soon Luna was up and about as well, yawning and stretching to wake herself up. She looked at her charge who was currently brushing out the tangled mess that was her hair. 'Oh hime, what can I do for you? I know you're suffering, but I don't know how to help.' She hopped up on the table next to Usagi and watched as she finished her hair. "How are you feeling this morning Usa-chan?" Luna queried. "Any better than last night?" Usagi blushed, "Hai Luna-chan. much better. I feel fine." She smiled down at Luna and headed to the bathroom.  
  
Called her over  
  
and asked her if she was improving  
  
She said "feels fine" it's wonderful wonderful here  
  
She closed the bathroom door for a bit of privacy from her guardian friend. She looked at her arms. 'Wow, I didn't realize I cut them so deep this time. they'll scar for sure. My beautiful scars.' She had been cutting for a long time now. she had started when she was 15 and she was 17 now. Her arms held many of these 'beautiful scars' as she thought of them. 'An outside representation of an inside pain.' She had read somewhere once. She used her magic to hide them from her friends and family.especially Mamoru. Over the years, Usagi had gradually become more and more Serenity. the princess she once was, and the queen she would become. She had grown a bit taller and filled out nicely. Her hair was almost completely silver now.with only hints of the golden blonde it used to be. She was much more graceful and serene as well as significantly improving in her studies. The others had been proud of her.. but that did not stop their teasing and constant reprimands. Usagi showered, brushed her teeth and came out of the bathroom in a much better mood.  
  
Hex me told her  
  
I dreamt of a devil that knew her  
  
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over  
  
She slipped into her uniform and walked downstairs to fix something to eat. Her mother was in the kitchen when she arrived and her father was seated at the table with the newspaper. "Good morning Usa-chan! Did you sleep well?" Greeted her mother with a bright smile. "Hai, very well. Good morning daddy." She hugged her father and sat down at the table. Her mother placed a plate in front of her and she ate it slowly. So very different than the old Usagi. 'My my but has she grown up.' Her mother said smiling as she returned to the stove. Usagi finished her food and with a quick kiss goodbye for her mother, she headed to school. Walking casually along. not at the breakneck speed she used to use to get to school on time. So many things had changed. Usagi was still Usagi. but time had passed and the things she saw and lived through.well, sometimes lived through, had changed her. She had become new person. while striving to stay somewhat the same. Not for herself.but for everyone else. They liked the cheerful and talkative Usagi. not the new quiet Usagi who always smiled politely and almost never talked. She learned that the hard way. They had almost admitted her to the hospital because of these changes. So she tried her hardest to be that person for them. to make them happy. Even if she lost herself in the process. Anything for her friends.anything.  
  
Watch me fault her  
  
You're living like a disaster  
  
She said kill me faster  
  
with strawberry gashes all over  
  
At school, things went as usual. Usagi hadn't completed her homework assignment because of the fight, but surprisingly didn't receive detention for it. At lunch, the girls all gathered at their table outside. The girls laughed and talked amongst themselves, not noticing that Usagi barely said anything, much less touched her food. She just sat, staring out into space.lost in thought. 'Why can't they accept me for who I have become? I don't want to be someone else anymore. even if it is for them. I don't want to lose myself behind this mask I put on for the world. I won't be much use to them if I fade away and become someone I'm not. I'll never really be myself again will I? I can't. because if I were to be who I am now. they would never accept it. They will one day though. so I guess that I'll just go on pretending. and letting the pain out in other ways.' She glanced down at her arms. While everyone else had their sleeves pushed up on the sunny day in May, Usagi kept hers down. She could magic them away, but the fresh ones would still be visible. The bell rang and she forced a sunny smile onto her face and held it there for the rest of the day.  
  
I lay quiet  
  
waiting for her voice to say  
  
"Some things you lose and some things you just give away"  
  
"USA-KO?! What are you doing???" Mamoru had stumbled onto her in the bathroom at her house. He had come over to pick her up for their date.which she had completely forgotten about. She whirled around, tears streaking down her face matching the blood running down her arms. She was frozen. "Mamo-chan. I-I.gomen. Gomen.Gomen!" She cried harder as he came forward to examine her. She had cut deep this time. deeper than ever before. Along her veins! Mamoru's eyes widened. she was going to die! His bunny was about to die right in front of him.by her own hands. He scooped her into his arms. the blood was pouring out of her amrs. she had tried to kill herself. 'Nonononononononononononono! This was NOT supposed to happen! I was going to end it. so I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone ever again!' She cried harder and harder into Mamoru's shirt as he ran her to his car. "Usa-ko.why?" Mamoru pleaded with her. "I.I k-killed her!!!" She screamed and sobbed harder. Mamoru looked confused.but then he remembered. 'The fight! Last night!'  
  
Scold me failed her  
  
If only I'd held on tighter to her  
  
Pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me  
  
/ Usagi got a call on her communicator at around 10 that night. It was Mercury. They were at the park. by the lake. There was a youma and they needed Sailor Moon. She transformed quickly and ran to the park. When she arrived the youma had Sailor Mars cornered and Venus and Mercury were down, fighting to stay conscious. Jupiter and Tuxedo Kamen were desperately trying to save Mars. From behind some trees down the path. Someone shouted and a rock hit the youma square in the jaw. A woman. no older than 25 was standing there. she shot a look to them saying 'SAVE HER!' and tried to get the youma away from Mars. She spoke in English. she didn't know they were the Senshi! She thought they couldn't handle it.she was trying to save them! "Hey YOU! Come ova' here and try that! Yeah.that's it!" She taunted the youma and Sailor Moon moved in front of her. "Stay back. This is our fight. Hey! How dare you bother me while I'm sleeping! In the name of the moon, I'll punish you! She held up her scepter but the youma attacked first. it shot a beam of pure energy at her. she froze. And the woman from earlier jumped in front of her. "Stop this at once!" she yelled at the youma. but the energy just came faster. striking the woman in the chest. killing her instantly. Sailor Moon screamed.. and exploded with pure white light, incinerating the youma. The others looked at her, shocked. They went to comfort her but before they reached her, she detransformed and closed her eyes. tears began to fall. She turned. and ran home, leaving a group of stunned senshi behind her./  
  
"Usa-ko! Listen to me! It wasn't your fault! She CHOSE to do what she did! You couldn't do anything to stop her!" Mamoru tried to explain to an almost comatose Usagi as they pulled up to the emergency room. He picked her up. noting that the bleeding had not slowed. and ran her in. "PLEASE! Somebody help! Blood.so much blood." Tears were falling freely from his eyes by now as a nurse took Usagi and rushed her to a room with doctors rushing after her. He followed closely. refusing to be separated from her. They laid her on the table and he looked at her. she was so pale. But she was still awake. just staring blankly into space, tears falling from her ocean blue eyes. 'I can't lose her! Not now. no Usa-ko please don't leave me! PLEASE!' He was going to lose the only thing that kept him going in life. His sunshine. his wonderful, beautiful bunny. He looked over at the bed again, daring a glance at her arms. The doctors had slowed the bleeding and cleaned the cuts by now. He did a double take and noticed many. HUNDREDS of cuts and scars all over her arms. His eyes became impossibly large yet again and he wanted to scream. His Usa-ko had been harming herself for a long time. and he never knew. and the girls probably didn't know either. She had been suffering for so long. He knew that something had changed about her. but he didn't ask, and thought it to be trivial. 'I was wrong. I should have known! You've been letting all of this build up inside of you for.how long Usa-ko.how long?'  
  
Watch me lose her  
  
It's almost like losing myself  
  
Give her my soul  
  
and let them take somebody else get away from me  
  
Mamoru was startled out of his thoughts as an alarms sounded. she was DYING! 'NO!' His mind screamed. He rushed to the bed and pushed the doctors out of the way. "Usa-ko...Usa-ko! SERENITY!'' He yelled. She blinked and her eyes refocused on him... "Usa-ko. don't leave me! I'm sorry. so sorry for not noticing before! But I love you! Please.please don't leave me?!" Usagi's eyes widened. and she seemed to realize what was going on. 'Oh goddess! What have I done?!' The alarm faded and went off as Usagi struggled to stay alive. Mamoru stayed by her side, pouring his energy into her. The doctors finally stopped the bleeding, after removing two razors from inside her arms. They stitched her up and put heavy gauze over the wounds. She was able to sit up. and saw the girls and Luna through the glass window of the room. all of their faces tear stained and worried. Luna's especially. She began to cry again, and clung desperately to Mamoru. as if her life depended on it. 'Maybe it does.' she thought. Maybe now they would understand. or maybe now her only chance of freedom. of release, had been taken from her. 'Oh no.' And she cried harder as Mamoru held her until she cried herself to sleep.  
  
Watch me fault her  
  
You're living like a disaster  
  
She said kill me faster  
  
with strawberry gashes all over all over me  
  
Owari.  
  
Strawberry Gashes belongs to Jack off Jill. not me. and Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko the Great! Don't sue! You won't get anything anyway. except peter, my spider plant. (  
  
~ Hiko-chan ~ 


End file.
